It’s almost the end of the year and the decade, and we have no choice but to celebrate the rest of 2019 with a bang. As we enter fiery Sagittarius Season on November 22nd, we may be feeling more inspired and turned on by life, ready to set our sights ahead on what, and who, we want to get done. This is a chance for us to claim our desires and own our pleasure, taking after the glyph for Sagittarius, the archer. This sign loves the subversive and is known for being kinky as hell, so what better time to explore kinky, stoned sex than now?
While I’ve talked about sex magick many times in this column, the overlap between cannabis, sex magick and kink felt like it needed to be explored in its own context, so I enlisted the expertise of sex and cannabis writer (and sex and weed witch), Sophie Saint Thomas, whose debut book “Finding Your Higher Self: Your Guide to Cannabis as Self-Care” is out December 10th. We talked about how cannabis can enhance experiences with kink, ways to incorporate this into your scenes, and what to keep in mind when you’re exploring these things for the first time.
First off, know that you don’t have to get stoned out of your mind, seeing god, to have a worthwhile sexual and magical experience. You can work with cannabis medicinally, or at the beginning of a kinky experience (known as a “scene”) with a partner or by yourself, to mark the creation of a ritual space. Maybe you share a joint to mark this energetic boundary, or maybe you just take an edible by yourself before you start your solo-practice. Cannabis can act as a bridge is setting the intention for your experience and getting you into the mindset to be truly present and enjoying it.
“Cannabis is a medicine for me, so it helps me be more present, and more in my body, and more able to relax and ask for what I want. It helps me keep an open mind for what my partner wants or doesn’t want and keeps me compassionate and present,” Sophie explains. “It keeps me kinky and turned on but also emotionally there without anxiety or thoughts creeping in, or insecurities.”
Besides helping us get in a space where we feel safe to be vulnerable and self-expressed, cannabis also helps increase blood flow and sensation. This means that you’re also going to have a different experience exploring kink than if you did sober, whether you’ll be receiving impact like through spanking or flogging or exploring something more psychological like role play.
Besides the fact that magick, cannabis, and kink are all ways to shift your consciousness, and enter altered states of mind, the three are also incredibly subversive and taboo, even as they each become more and more mainstream. When we explore any of these subjects on our own terms with thoughtfulness and intention, they can shift our experiences in the world. We get to reclaim our pleasure, our desires and our innate power. We also get to decide what feels right for us, and what boundaries we feel safe pushing against. But claiming these desires and feeling comfortable enough to share them with others isn’t always easy. Thankfully, cannabis can help us release these inhibitions.
“I think kink is really sacred and that kink is really honest,” Sophie explains. “I think what is powerful is the truth and the vulnerability that’s required to be really open with yourself and with another person to fully embrace pleasure. Especially a type of pleasure that growing up you’ve been told is bad, or that might make you weird. Entering a space where you get to do that is really liberating and really magical.”
Exploring Solo During Sagittarius Season
Although it is a bit more difficult to explore stoned kinky sex magick by yourself, it is possible, and it is important. Taking the time to know your turn ons and desires will only help you share this more confidently with someone else. And working with cannabis as a way to really get honest and comfortable with yourself can help you do just that. One of my suggestions for exploring stoned, kinky sex magick is to make a sex magick manifestation list. You can do this in your grimoire or magical journal. Work with cannabis however you see fit, whether that’s taking a few hits from an indica hybrid to feel into your body, consuming a low grade edible or working with a CBD tincture. Then set up the ritual space however you want, by burning incense or sacred herbs and lighting candles. As you’re ready, start to make a list of what you want to explore. You may wish to make this a bucket list for 2020, writing this list down in whatever way feels the most powerful. Get really clear about what you want to try; read books, watch porn, check out Fetlife for inspiration, or go to a local dungeon for a class or play party. Then declare that you’ll get to have these experiences, and update your list whenever a new fetish or desire crosses your mind.
Another way you can begin engaging with kink magick is through the mind; the biggest sex organ there is. While BDSM is often associated with the physical, there’s a whole sect of it devoted to the mental, and this is a fabulous way to approach solo sacred kink. You can try working with cannabis and then going into a meditative state and moving sexual energy throughout your body. You can put a color to the sexual energy in your body, breathe into it, visualizing this color growing more vibrant and bold as you play around with moving it throughout your body. Or maybe you just visualize a fantasy you have and engage with this sexual energy as much as possible, taking the time to see what this feels like in your body with no external stimulus except your thoughts.
“Really magical things can happen with cannabis. This has happened to me twice where I’ve been in a really deep meditative state and I’ve had an orgasm without touching myself, by fantasizing about a partner. Cannabis especially a higher dose or an edible, is something that affects the body,” Sophie explains. “I find it easier at times to identify and work with and feel the sexual energy in me [with cannabis.] If you’re intentional about it, it’s the next step in being aware and present of your sexual energy. I’ve had some beautiful experiences of accessing sexual energy that maybe my mind may not have been open to with using cannabis on a more psychedelic level.”
Another one of my favorite ways to engage with solo-kinky stoned sex magick is by using body-safe candles and engaging in wax play. Personally, I will smoke some weed and then carve an intention into my candle and infuse it with my energy, just like in any other candle magick ritual. But instead of simply letting the candle burn, I will drip the wax on me. I do this as I masturbate, or even smoke more weed, and send the pain and energy to my desired intention. Then I will snuff or fan the flame out, and engage with this ritual again and again until the candle is finished. You can also do this with a partner, by setting an intention together and charging your candle with this, and then exploring giving and receiving the sensations.
So how can you begin exploring kinky, stoned, sex magick with someone else? Well, if you’re just starting on your journey with cannabis, Sophie recommends exploring alongside someone you trust. That way, if you take a bit too much THC, you have someone there to support you and talk to. Cannabis can also help us open up and feel safe during scenes in which we may be experiencing some nerves as we come up against our personal edges.
“Cannabis helps me enter a different realm almost, where I’m able to just exist within a kink scene and be fully immersed in all the smells and tastes and feelings,” Sophie says. “It helps me shut out outside distractions, and it makes it a better experience for me and my partner.”
Sharing cannabis before a scene can also bring you and your partner closer and act as its own ritual of vulnerability and honesty. It can also be a beautiful addition while you negotiate what you want out of a scene, set a safe-word and share boundaries and hard limits with your partner.
A really easy way to explore the overlap of kink and cannabis is through role play. “You can get into some really kink role playing type scenarios with intoxicants, whether it’s a doctor-patient or Daddy Dom-Little Girl, or whatever version of that works for you,” Sophie explains. “It’s the sweet spot of what turns us on and scares us a little that is really conducive to orgasms and thankfully, cannabis is a super safe drug. So I would make it kinky and submit to someone you trust.”
And like in any magical context, it’s the intention you set and the energy you raise that can turn a scene into a ritual. Maybe before you play with a partner, you both set an intention together to dedicate the energy you raise to, using the energetic shapeshifting that happens during role play to help this. Or maybe you channel an archetype like a God or Goddess while you’re exploring in role play, taking on this power as you explore dominance or submission. “I will direct sexual energy of a role playing scene or an orgasm derived from a role playing scene to a goal which I hope to manifest,” Sophie explains.
Even aftercare following a scene becomes sacred with some intention. Once you’re done with your scene, and coming back to a normal state of consciousness, it’s protocol to have a check-in known as “aftercare.” This is really whatever you need to get grounded and comfortable in your body, whether it’s physical touch, a warm blanket, some water or a joint. And while aftercare is aimed more for the person who has been exploring submission, the dominant one in the scene may also need some aftercare too! If you were exploring impact or bondage, using a CBD topical is great for bruising and soreness, especially if it also has arnica. Or if you’re sore you can take a bath using a CBD bath bomb, creating a post-ritual ritual bath for yourself as you soak and let the experience you just melt into the water. Invite your partner into the tub if you want, or just use this as a solo spell of reintegration into the normal world.
No matter how you choose to engage with kinky sex magick this Sagittarius season, don’t be afraid to try something new and say yes to owning your pleasure. And so it is!